We met on the eighth day of the week, The 30th of February She had a face you can’t quite remember, but a presence you won’t soon forget. We talked about music. We talked about art. Over coffee I asked her to tell me her name. She smiled sweetly and said, "I’m No One." From that day forward I slept next to No One. I’m perfect for No One and only No One could love me, just like I love her. The time soon came (as time often does) for me to make No One my bride. We settled in a town called Nowhere on a street called Never in a house with a white picket fence with a dog called Not. We have big future plans, and I will be the father of No One’s children. For better or worse. Till Death do us part. No One and me.
Just when you thought the world couldn’t get any more outrageously hypocritical, the authoritarian douche-tanks in DC have up and banned flavored ciggies.
For the record, this bill was sponsored by a republican from Marlboro Country, so don’t kid yourself into thinking it will have any effect on public health. All this restriction will do is frustrate pretentious euro-trash and make a few goth punks run out of safety pins.
Oh, and don’t worry black people. Newports are still legal. Despite them being a legitimate teen gateway to a pack-a-day habit, Menthols make up 28% of the market, and Philip Morris wouldn’t put up with that crap for a second.
Once again, the bullshit that stuck to the wall was that they’re protecting the kids, this time from the evil candied temptation of sweetened smoky-treats.
Nothing makes my cunt pucker more than the phrase “protecting the kids.” Fuck your kids.
Fuck every fat, stupid, overprotected little crotch trophy whose mother’s inability to parent is infringing on my god-given right to blow vanilla flavored smoke all over a cute Frenchman to mask his post-sex body odor.
Fuck anybody anywhere who thinks they have the right to tell me what should go into (or come out of) my body.
Fuck Obama for signing this piece of shit bill.
And finally, fuck clove cigarettes for being the next thing that I have no desire for whatsoever, but will soon crave for no other reason than that they are illegal.