Going for the Gold, but getting only Green.

Don’t worry. I will never find you. Do not worry. You are safe. Oh, lucky you. You should be glad I don’t have a knife collection. You should be glad I do not keep poisons in pretty jars saving the prettiest for you. You should be glad I cannot tie knots or have access to a gun safe. You should be thankful I am only half-obsessed, spread just thin enough to know which way is up, good from bad, wrong from right, only baby step fucked in the head. You should be glad there isn’t a part of my brain that clicks, breaks, and changes Wolfman-style into something that can break skin razor sharp into every piece of every part of you. Something that needs to feed on the fear screaming in your pupils of your green fucking eyes, bites your sweet throat warmest of veins screaming form my warmest of mouths, stubble a delicious obstacle to the smoothness of my tongue. You will never need a single silver bullet with me. You will not need a stake made of wood. You will not need holy water or a Jesus cross or torches or pitchforks or any other sort of protective weapon made for monsters such as me. I am the most timid of monsters. They have removed me from my position within their ranks citing words like fail, coward, reject, weakling, useless, worthless, dumbass. I tried to hang within their monster ranks. I did. I do. I try every day. It’s a reenlisting or a reenlisting of a reenlisting. Every day I think, I am almost there and every day they kick me out. They make me go back to my life. They know what I know and that is, I have too much to hold on to so I cannot truly be a monster.

— xTx, “Because I Am Not a Monster,” Normally Special